MIRROR, MIRROR
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: Slash Something's wrong between them but Starsky doesn't want to talk about it.


Title: MIRROR, MIRROR

Author: Donna McIntosh

Fandom: Starsky & Hutch

Genre: Slash

Disclaimer: Not mine; I just play with them sometimes.

Summary: They did the deed and Starsky's not too happy about it.

MIRROR, MIRROR

Starsky lay on the sofa, one arm dangling over the side tracing the pattern in the carpet while the phone rang and rang. No way was he going to answer it. He wasn't about to get into any heavy conversations with Hutch just now. Not until he sorted things out in his mind a little more.

The ringing finally stopped. The apartment was silent. Silence was something new

for him. He usually had the stereo going full blast the moment he walked into the place, but this morning he wanted the silence; needed it. What had happened between him and Hutch last night was more than he could handle. He had to think. Think! How could it have happened? How could Hutch have misinterpreted things? The sound of the doorbell shattered the stillness and he jumped. "Starsk!" Hutch knocked on the door. He knew Starsky wasn't going to answer and he knew he was in there. He tried the door. It was unlocked so he went in. Starsky jumped up and headed for the far side of the room. "Starsk ... please. We gotta talk."

"S'nothing to talk about." Starsky snapped.

"Yes there is!"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Starsky ... I'm sorry ... I thought ... I mean ..." Hutch fumbled with the words.

"I said. I don't want to talk about it!"

"Ok, Ok." Hutch backed off. "Look, I'm not going to touch you. Will you just listen to what I have to say?"

Starsky stopped at the bedroom door, not turning. He couldn't bear to look at Hutch right now. "You got something to say -- say it."

Hutch thought for a minute. Should he apologize? Try to explain? "I'm on my way to see Dobey. I thought ..."

"It's Sunday, Hutch. Dobey isn't in the office."

"I know, I know. I called him and he said I could come over."

"So, you gonna hit on him now?" He regretted the words the moment he said them but now they were said. He snuck a quick look at Hutch but his face was turned

away. He didn't get to see the look of the pain that swelled inside Hutch till he thought he might pass out.

"I have a decision to make, Starsk." Hutch mumbled as he ambled toward the door. "Whether to ask for a transfer or just resign altogether."

Starsky was stunned. He turned to stare at Hutch now but saw only his retreating back.

"Hutch?" Starsky followed him to the door, stopping a safe distance away. "What the hell's going on?"

Hutch looked up at him and for the first time since he'd been there, Starsky got a good look at him. His hair was mussed, his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He obviously hadn't slept a wink all night. His eyes were filled with tears and every few seconds another one would trickle down his face. He looked terrible and Starsky yearned to take him in his arms and comfort him, but he didn't dare. "I'm sorry, Starsk. I thought … you said you loved me too." Hutch tried to make his mind work; tried to find the words to make Starsky understand but nothing worked right. He couldn't think. Nothing made any sense to him and his insides hurt with a pain he couldn't understand himself.

"I do love you, Hutch," Starsky stepped closer, despite himself, he reached out and caressed the weary blond head; "but not that way. What do you think I am anyway a..." He left the word unspoken. In not speaking the obvious it hung between them echoing in both their minds louder than if he had shouted it.

"Queer?" Hutch broke the silence with the offending word. He turned and reached for the door knob.

"I didn't say that." Starsky reached out and stopped him. He pulled his hand back quickly; guiltily. He reached up and slid the bolt into its latch. "Starsk, I gotta go. I gotta get out of here."

"Not till you explain."

"What's to explain?" He tried a weak smile but the distraught face didn't soften. "I thought you wanted it too. I guess I've just loved you and wanted you for so long, I

couldn't believe you were serious when you tried to stop it." He dropped his eyes from Starsky's face and rubbed his temples. When had they started to pound? "Hutch ... You're not really going to cut out on me, are you?" "What else can I do?" It was more a sob of desperation than a question expecting an answer.

Starsky could resist the temptation no longer. He pulled Hutch into his arms and comforted him. "We can work something out. We've always been able to handle anything before. We can handle this too." He couldn't understand why Hutch didn't see that. This wasn't something that you just 'work out'. Yet he knew he couldn't let Hutch just leave. He couldn't imagine life without this 6 foot 1 inch blond partner of his, normally a man hard as steel, but at the moment sobbing in his arms like a lost child. "Hutch ... I'm not going to let you go." He held the blond head against his shoulder and kissed the top of his head.

"Starsk, you do love me, you know. The same way I love you."

"Hush now." Starsky shushed him, rubbing the back of his neck. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep. You look terrible!"

Hutch lifted his head wearily from the damp shoulder. "You sure you don't want me to go see Dobey?"

"Hell no! I'm just getting used to you. And besides, I don't want to spend another eight years breaking in a new partner." He smiled that crooked smile of his and Hutch's heart melted. He couldn't leave him. He knew that now. If Starsky wanted to end things between them, he'd have to do it.

"You're not mad at me any more?" Hutch smiled up at him, the tears finally ebbed.

"No, I'm not mad at you anymore. It's my own fault. I know the old Starsky charm

is impossible to resist." He stepped back a step but still held Hutch by the shoulders. "You're crazy, you know that?" Hutch laughed.

"So I've been told. Now go home and get some sleep. We got to be in court tomorrow

morning and I can't show up with someone who looks like he just came in off a weekend drunk. I've got my reputation to think about." He un-chained the door and opened it.

"Ok, OK. See you in the morning." Hutch left feeling relieved. He hadn't ruined everything between them. Starsky wasn't mad anymore. He hurried home thinking about Starsky. They would work things out alright. He was now confident of that. Starsky loved him, he was sure of that. It would just take a little more time.

Starsky spent the day messing around the apartment doing all the small jobs he left go for so long; busy stuff to fill the day -- make the time pass. When he climbed into bed that night he was comfortably tired. For the first time since

that morning, he found his mind wandering back to Hutch. "That crazy dumb blond," he whispered to the ceiling in his waterbed. His own reflection stared back at him; mocking him. "Is he crazy? Is he? Or am I?" Memories from the night before flooded him. Yesterday had been a great day. The two of them off in the hillshiking from dawn till dusk. They reached Hutch's apartment tired, dirty and hungry. They raided the fridge first then took turns showering. By the time Starsky had finished his, Hutch had a fire going in the fire place. He had shoved his new wine-colored robe into the bathroom for Starsky and stood before the fire in his old navy blue one. They had sat on the floor in front of the fire warming themselves for some time. He couldn't remember who started things but before long, they were wrestling. After a brief workout they fell into a laughing relaxed heap on the floor, Hutch on top, snuggling down into Starsky's warm embrace.

When did it all change? He struggled to remember, but nothing was quite clear. He remembered Hutch on top of him; holding him close. Enjoying the feel of the soft freshly washed hair against his cheek when all the sudden everything changed. Hutch started kissing him. They had kissed before many times which was a natural enough thing for two people who cared for each other as much as they did, but it was never

like this! Hutch was kissing him! Really kissing him! His weight pressing down on him, pinning him to the floor. He couldn't stop what happened. He tried! He really did try.

Starsky turned over and stared once again at his reflection in the mirror overhead. "Did you really try?" The words were only in his head but they seemed to echo throughout his entire being. "Yes, I did try!" He answered back angrily.

He did. He remembered vividly trying to push Hutch off, trying to stop those hands that seemed to be everywhere at once, trying to hold his robe together. It wasn't any use. None of it was of any use; his protestations, his struggles. Hutch was holding him down, had his arms pinned behind his back and had somehow managed to open both their robes so that their naked bodies rubbed harshly against one another.

Starsky swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up. He went to the window and opened it. A cool breeze filled the room and he made his way back to bed, this time avoiding a glance at his reflection.

It wasn't his fault! He tried to stop it! Hutch was too strong! He had never known Hutch was that strong! Never even guessed that Hutch had any such notions! He closed his eyes and tried to sleep but the memories were too strong. Hutch smiling and laughing in the sunshine, rolling on the rug in front of the fire place, laying in his arms, their mouths pressed together in a friendly kiss as they had so many times before. But this time Hutch wouldn't let go. The kiss didn't end. Hutch's tongue darting against his lips begging entrance. He had tasted so sweet. Like cinnamon. Like the rolls they had eaten earlier. No! He didn't let him do that! He couldn't have! "I didn't!" Starsky stared defiantly at his image in the mirror. "Yes you did, Starsky. You let him in." The soundless words stunned him. "I couldn't have!" he whispered and slipped once again into the night before. He could feel Hutch's weight bearing down on him. He couldn't move. Couldn't get away. Hutch was on top of him. Kissing him, rubbing against him, driving him

frantic. He did struggle. He remembered that clearly. He tried to talk but Hutch kept putting that delicious tongue in his mouth

He sat up in bed and drew his knees up tightly against his chest. He had to think. That wasn't the way it happened. It couldn't have been. They hadn't been drinking. Hutch had forgotten to shop so they didn't have any beer at all. They had had tea with their dinner. They hadn't been drunk, so why couldn't he remember it clearly? Why was everything in such a haze?

The breeze from the window had stopped and he was too warm once again. Not as warm

as last night though. The heat was unbearable, he remembered that much clearly. Hutch's flesh had felt like he was on fire. He remembered caressing the smooth firmly-muscled ass pressing down on him, No! He hadn't touched Hutch! Not there! His hands had been pinned beneath him! Oh God! Why couldn't he remember? He scooted down in bed and tried to push all thoughts of the night before out of his mind. After a while he succeeded and slipped into a dream-sleep. Hutch was on top of him again. All smooth and warm and delicious tasting, rubbing, rubbing against

him, touching him all over, caressing, kissing, licking his neck. He couldn't take much more. He had to make him stop. "Hutch, no…please…NO! Uhhhhhhhaaaa"

He awoke gripping himself as the last shudders of his climax subsided. He grabbed the phone and after wiping his hands on the sheets, dialed Hutch's number. Hutch answered sleepily, "Yeah?"

"You get the hell over here right now!" Starsky demanded and slammed down the phone. Hutch dressed quickly and was taking the stairs to Starsky's apartment two at a time before he had a chance to wonder what the call had been about.

The door was ajar so he went on in. Starsky was in the bedroom changing sheets on his bed.

"Starsk?" He called and came on into the bedroom.

"What the hell did you do to me last night?" He swung to face him.

"Loved you." Hutch answered sheepishly, realization dawning on him as he glanced at the soiled sheets in a heap on the floor.

"Why? Why now after so long? Why?"

"Because we love each other. It's as simple as that." Hutch smiled back at him.

A warm and loving smile. A smile like none he had ever seen before. Hutch closed the distance between them with two steps and reached to touch the side of Starsky's face. "You do love me, you know." he teased.

"I know that. I've never denied that!" Starsky answered angrily, pulling away and finishing the bed. "But I'm not that kind. And neither are you!"

"Kind?" Hutch helped smooth the sheet and tucked the end in. "What have labels got to do with anything. We love each other. It's only natural that we enjoy being together."

Starsky eyed him carefully to see if there were any hidden meanings behind that statement. The blue eyes were soft and shining, the lips were turned up slightly at the corners in a gentle smile. "You mean you... really love me? You're not just... after my body?"

Hutch laughed and reached out both hands to cradle the black curly head tenderly.

"I'm crazy in love with you, you big dummy and if you'd forget about labels, and quit worrying about what other people might think, you'd realize you feel the same way about me."

"Oh, God, Hutch; this can't be happening. Last night didn't really happen, did it?" "It happened, Love. It happened." Hutch drew him close and pressed his lips against still uncertain ones. "Hutch..." He knew he should say something; something important, but at the moment he couldn't think of what it was. Hutch's lips were wandering down the side of his neck and his robe was for some reason sliding off his shoulders to the floor. His mouth was delicious. This time it tasted of toothpaste. He had taken the time to brush before coming over! But how could he have! He got there so fast. "Ohhh, Hutch." He stumbled as Hutch steered him down to the bed. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. How could he taste so good? How could his hands feel so good? He had been touched before and by some really beautiful broads but none

of them had ever excited him this much. He hadn't known it was possible to be this hot and not die from the heat.

Hutch was leaning over him; pressing down on him. He felt so good; so smooth. How can that be? And where were his clothes? "Hutch? Where's your clothes?" he asked between kisses.

"On the floor with yours," Hutch answered and continued licking down the side of Starsky's neck and sucking hungrily on a suddenly erect nipple. "Hutch…"

"Hmmmm?" He asked and came up for a breath of air.

"Ohhh, don't stop, Hutch. Please don't stop!" Starsky pulled him back down on top of him, kissing that full smiling mouth, sucking eagerly at the offered tongue. "You sure you want to do this?" Hutch teased, pulling away a little. "I don't want you running out on me afterwards, like you did last night."

Starsky pulled him back into his arms, his hands sliding down to cup both ass cheeks and press them firmly downward, grinding their midsections together. "No, not tonight," Hutch teased pulling away. "I have something else in mind for tonight."

Starsky let out a whimper of disappointment as their bodies separated but was quickly happy again as the blond head bent over his straining cock. He was drawn deep inside where it was hot and wet and a tongue strained to swirl over and taste every inch of him. Something inside him dissolved and gave way, his last thread of resistance. He erupted in Hutch's mouth. Hutch stayed with him much longer than was necessary. He had waited such a long time for this moment; he wasn't going to let it end a minute before it was absolutely necessary.

Starsky gasped for breath and reached down to pull Hutch up to him.

"What's the matter? Didn't I do it right? This is all new to me too, you know!" "You did just fine, but if you don't stop doing me, you're gonna kill me! Give me a minute to catch my breath, will you!"

Hutch laughed and came back into the waiting arms. He snuggled his face into

the curly black hair on Starsky's chest and pressed his hard-on against his thigh. It was a delicious feeling.

Starsky pressed his leg against the straining cock. "I haven't forgotten. I'll be with you in just a minute." He caught his breath and raised up turning Hutch over on his back. "You got a problem?" He asked his left hand carressing the golden thigh, roaming over the lower part of Hutch's body, every where expect where he was most needed.

"Starsk..." Hutch begged; pressing upward each time Starsky's hand came near.

"Is this what you want?" Starsky asked innocently running his fingers lightly over Hutch's swollen genitals.

"Starsk! Do it! Do it!" He grabbed at Starsky's hand and pressed it to him. Starsky freed his hand and held back. "And if I don't?" Hutch leaned up and grabbed him, "Starsk..."

"If I don't?" Starsky grinned wickedly at him.

"I'll get you! So help me, God, I'll get you, Starsk!" "Is that a threat, or a promise?"

Hutch fell back on the bed relieved with laughter. "It's a promise, Starsk. It's a promise."

Starsky lowered his face into the moist golden curls of Hutch's crotch, kissing, tasting, nibbling. Hutch's climax came only minutes after Starsky started working on him. It was a long hard one, convulsing him over and over again. Starsky pulled the limp body into his arms and covered them both with the sheet. In moments Hutch was sleeping soundly. Starsky smiled up at the mirror over head, a happy contented smile reflected back at him.

THE END


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